When I was in 8th grade, I would have never predicted how intolerable my high school career would be.

I was always the chubby girl who died her hair different colors and wore tons of black. I put myself out there as different in a school where being Caucasian was the minority.

Looking back, I feel guilty for not just fitting in, but I experience depression, so my mind takes me to some dark places.

My bully was after me for months. He was a friend of some of my friends so he was always around calling me fat, ugly, stupid. He was telling me that no one will ever want me, and any little thing I did around him was always followed by a rude comment.

I didn’t want to lose my friends, but I also was so tired of being constantly knocked down.

I’m already a shy, sensitive person, and he absolutely loved tearing me apart.

In the middle of my eight grade year, I fractured my ankle and was put on crutches for two weeks.

After school one day we were just standing by our lockers when my bully comes up and asks if I tripped over a box of Twinkies.

That day, I went home and cried, not knowing the situation on the other side.

After eighth grade, we went to different high schools. I hadn’t heard from him until I learned about his suicide.

I later learned his mom left and his dad was a drunk who went to jail while he was a teenager. His dad ended up causing a car collision that involved a child on a bike, then he was charged with involuntary manslaughter. All he really had was his grandmother, but she was getting older. I’m sure he would have been heartbroken if anything were to happen to her.

He took his life on Christmas in his grandmother’s house so he’ll never know the feeling of losing his grandmother.

I came to the conclusion that my bully was so much more tortured than I was.

Recently, I learned that bullying is a matter of self reflection. It’s not the fact that your overweight or worthless. It’s where that bully’s mind is at. If he had a problem at home, he probably teased me more. I may never know the real situation. But it absolutely turned my perspective around.

The views or experiences expressed are solely those of the contributor or interview subject and do not represent the views of the Tyler Clementi Foundation, its staff or board. If you have any questions or concerns regarding the material, please contact the Tyler Clementi Foundation, and we appreciate your support and commitment to end bullying starting on #Day1.