Tyler Clementi Foundation co-founder Jane Clementi offered to work with future first lady Melania Trump at the 5th annual Upstander Legacy Celebration on November 14th at the Prince George Ballroom in New York City.

Clementi welcomed Ms. Trump’s call for an end to online bullying of children and teenagers. She said she would be willing to meet with her to discuss how they could work together, but with a caveat.

“I do believe that if she truly would like to move forward on this very worthy initiative” Clementi said “she must first look back and recognize the toxic display of bias, bullying and cruelty of so many marginalized groups by the Trump campaign.” Clementi said mean-spirited and cruel comments had the effect of normalizing bullying in American society. “It is only by acknowledging and apologizing for this past poor behavior in the cyberworld that our new first lady will be able to move forward and have a truly impactful future, creating a safe and respectful online experience for our youth.”

ABC News Correspondent Gio Benitez expertly hosted a program that featured two musical performances. The Tony-nominated actress and singer Kate Baldwin performed the song “Bare.” And actress and singer Bridget Barkan performed her single “Danger Heart.”

The Tyler Clementi Foundation honored three teenage filmmakers from the Mythic Bridge Youth Filmmaking Workshop in New York City. These filmmakers were winners of AT&T’s Cyberbullying Film Invitational at the All American High School Film Festival. The foundation also honored Workplace Options, which has partnered with the foundation to bring a workplace training module to companies nationwide.

At the end of the program Executive Director Sean Kosofsky asked people to be financial upstanders and donate to support the foundation’s programs. There also was a silent auction that included a signed Prince Limited Edition Purple Guitar and a painting by Tyler Wallach. Thousands of dollars were raised to support the Foundation’s programs to end online and offline bullying.

Thanks to singer and songwriter Marcus Goldhaber and his musicians for entertaining attendees while they enjoyed Kim Crawford Wines and SVEDKA Vodka cocktails. The event was made possible by the generous support of Champion Sponsors Barilla America, Inc. and Workplace Options, as well as the support of AT&T and the COIL Foundation.

Learn more about the Tyler Clementi Foundation.

In 2015, I had the idea for the Peyton Heart Project. I wanted to create a movement that focused on kindness and that would have the potential to spread around the world. I wanted it to be a project that would raise global awareness about suicide, bullying, and mental health issues.

I named The Peyton Heart Project after Peyton James, a 13-year-old boy from Texas who, in October of 2014, died by suicide. Peyton had been relentlessly bullied by other students at school for a number of years. I had read about Peyton’s story and I wanted to help tell his story through my heart project.

I reached out to his parents and requested their permission to name my project in honor of Peyton. They agreed and now Peyton’s father, David James, helps me run the Facebook page. David is also helping me set up The Peyton Heart Project as an official organization. We hope to become a 501(c)3 in the very near future.

Many of us know what the negative effects of bullying are on those who are bullied and how difficult it can be to believe that life will ever get better. Far too often bullying leads to depression, self-harm, and sometimes even suicide. I myself was bullied throughout my childhood until the end of junior high because of a physical disability. It is because of those horrific experiences that I want to help others find hope in their darkest hour.

Many people have been impacted by suicide and by mental health issues either through their friends or through their family members. Many people have been able to identify with what the Peyton Heart Project is doing and that is what is making this project resonate with people in over 50 countries around the world. In fact, several people have messaged us and told us that they happened to find a heart on a day when they were contemplating suicide. They said that they saw the heart as a sign that they needed to live another day and they thanked us for giving them hope. Hearing that kind of story from those who have found our hearts inspires me to continue trying to reach people with our hearts.

The Peyton Heart Project has hundreds of volunteers around the world making crocheted, knitted, and other kinds of hand-made hearts. We attach tags with inspiring quotes from our website to each heart and the hearts are then left in public places for people to find. The hope is that the hearts cause people to stop for a moment and reflect on a life lost to suicide, on bullying, and on the fact that everyone’s life matters. We also hope to leave people with a feeling that there is good out there in the world.

I hope the Peyton Heart Project inspires others to join us in our mission of kindness because the world could always benefit from a little more love.

If you would like to help us spread hearts in your community, please go to our website at www.thepeytonheartproject.org and learn how you can become involved. You can also follow the project on Facebook and Twitter.

This holiday season, do you expect to discuss politics with family?

• Yes, but I am hoping to avoid it.
• Yes, but I am looking forward to it.
• No, we have an agreement not to discuss politics.
• No, no one in my family is interested in politics.

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Many believe you should never talk politics or religion with friends or family. For people passionate about change…that is mighty hard. This holiday season, it is inevitable that the 2016 election will come up with millions of families. How can you survive this experience? Here are three tips:

Disengage: Breathe in. Breathe Out. You know your situation and your family better than anyone. Do you really believe that engaging that relative pro-actively or reactively is going to change anyone’s mind or not ended up in tempers rising? Consider resisting the temptation to engage or stepping away when it is brought up. Family is family and holidays should be enjoyable.

Feel Empowered: For those who don’t want to “agree to disagree” and want to feel more empowered, consider telling your personal story and not letting it escalate. Is there a way to explain calmly that elections have consequences for actual people—people like you, people who are minorities? Tell the story of an LGBT, immigrant, Muslim or disabled person you know and maybe just maybe you will feel more empowered that you planted a seed of empathy.

Find Common ground: Think about values instead of positions or candidates. We all share similar values even if our actions demonstrate contradictions. Nearly all people support fairness, liberty, public health, a clean environment, caring for the less fortunate, etc. Center conversations around values. If you take up all the moral high ground, you leave little room for people to stand with you.

Thank you for helping to make this our most successful Upstander Legacy Celebration to date!

The evening featured hosting by ABC’s Gio Benitez with special performances from Bridget Barkan, Marcus Goldhaber, and Kate Baldwin.

Thanks to generous corporate partners, sponsors, friends and newcomers for also sharing personal stories of victimization and resilience as well as renewing support in our fight against bullying, intolerance, and negativity.

Please show your support with a donation

Congratulations to our 2016 Upstander Legacy Celebration Honoree Workplace Options.

Congratulations also to our youth honorees from Mythic Bridge, winners of the AT&T Film Invitational. Watch their powerful and emotional short film:

IMAGES FROM 2016 UPSTANDER LEGACY CELEBRATION

Photography by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

Prince George Ballroom, New York City. 11/14/16. Photo by Syd London

THANK YOU TO OUR GENEROUS SPONSORS

I always knew I was different. I was always told so. My name is O’Neal Leon Wyche, Jr., and I’m a Champion Against Bullying. ​​

I grew up in a small town in South Georgia where everyone knew each other and their secrets. I was fortunate to have a loving mother and supportive stepfather, a safe home and food to eat. I had clean clothes on my back everyday, but they weren’t the right clothes. On picture day in the 2nd grade, my mother outfitted me in a dress shirt, trousers and a tie.

As I walked into the school, the majority of the other kids were dressed in regular casual clothing —T-shirts, jeans, sneakers. This wasn’t the first picture day that I’d worn dressier clothing to school, but it was the first time I’d notice the unusual stares from kids in the hallways. As soon as I stepped into my class, a few of my classmates, particularly three boys, burst out laughing. They’d made fun of me before, and today was no different.
​
​“Nice tie, O’Neal,” James said, barely able to contain his laughter. “You’re so corny!”
His words punched me in the gut, and I was terrified. That terror and feeling unsafe through teasing, taunting followed me for the next nine years of my life—though this was only the prelude for things to come. James would mock me and say mean things in class and at recess. In retrospect, I understand it now, but when you’re seven years old you don’t really understand why someone is being so mean to you.
​
As a child of Jehovah’s Witnesses growing up in the South, I didn’t know that having more feminine mannerisms and my religious beliefs would be the reason why I was bullied. But as I grew up, I was reminded of these differences constantly. As we went through each grade, James, John and Derrick bullying increased and got more intense. His aggression toward me led other students to tease me too, at his daring.
​
One particular day in Physical Education, he convinced a girl who would often get sent to the principal’s office for causing havoc in class to pick on me. She cornered me in the back of the gym and kept pushing me saying,
​
“What you gonna do? I dare you to push me back.”
​
While this was happening James and his friends were laughing in the background. None of the other students did anything, and I was afraid that if I did push her back we would both get in trouble—something I always feared as a kid. She then proceeded to grab my neck and choked me up against the wall. All the while, she was laughing and saying, “Do something.” Eventually the coach saw what was happening and broke up the huddle, but I knew that I lost. And this would only make the way I was treated worse now that a girl had humiliated me.
​
The environment at school became so bad that I would consistently return home crying, and I woke up in the morning not wanting to face another day of name-calling, hurt feelings or a possible ambush by other kids. I decided to share the details of what was happening at school with my mother. She told me that she understood, that these things happened all the time. She encouraged me to be strong and not let their words get to me—as hard as it was to internalize. My mother always told me that I was a very intuitive kid, which was a blessing and a curse. And while I knew her advice came from a good place, I could predict the results of her counsel. And as much as I tried to swallow my pain, when James and the other students would bully me, I couldn’t contain my shame.
​
My grandmother was a paraprofessional at my elementary school, so I began confiding in her. This was one of the smartest things I did—to a point. My grandmother spoke with my teacher and principal, and collectively they all began noticing each interaction I had with other students. And while this minimized the bullying in the class, it continued outside of the classroom.

​When I was in the 4th grade, the teasing from the same group of boys became verbal. I would hear outbursts in class:

“Why are your clothes so tight?”
“You act like a girl.”​
“Look at the way you hold your hand and walk.”
“You’re a sissy.”
“I saw you knocking on doors with those Jehovah’s Witnesses.”
​
I was a very timid and soft-spoken little boy: the kid that sat in the front of the class with his homework completed. I never wanted to get in trouble, so I never said anything back to the bullies. My sister Rosalyn, however, was the complete opposite. She has always been a strong outspoken person that didn’t care what anyone had to say about her. We’re 11 months apart in age, and we always went to the same school together. I always knew she was just down the hall in class, and I would see her at lunch or at recess. I began telling Rosalyn about the boys that were teasing me. “No, O’Neal,” she said to me after I told her what they’d been saying to me. “Nobody is going to treat you like that.” And she fearlessly approached them the next day after school.

While waiting to be picked up by our grandmother next to the big oak tree in front of the school, one of the boys came over teasing and pushing me around. Immediately, my sister grabbed him by the neck and pushed him up against the tree.

She tackled him to the ground as she screamed out, “Don’t bother my brother again!”
​
At that moment one of the teachers on outside duty saw what was happening and ran over to us to break up the fight. My grandmother also arrived and yelled out of the car window, “Rosalyn! Get off that boy and get in the car!” Although I was happy about what she did, it only made things worse. Her teacher scorned her the next day, and was sent home with a citation. Worse, I had allowed Rosalyn to fight my battles and had become more of a coward in the bullies’ eyes. The teasing continued to escalate.
​
As years went by, the bullying continued until it became my normal. As a freshman in high school, I realized that regardless of what my mother, grandmother or sister did, I was alone and I had to handle it by myself.
​
The first thing I had to do was question why these things were happening. I wanted to understand what the boys bullying me did. Through their eyes I started to analyze the way I walked, spoke and dressed. I realized the way I walked was lighter than the football players headed into the locker room. The way I talked was softer than the other boys who raised their hands in class. The way I dressed was more precise, too, like I was trying to express something. I saw what they did, suddenly, and it frightened me. This was the time when I was supposed to be a man, chase after girls, assert my strengths and rise up like the other boys. But the path, for me, was not as clear.
​
Even at home I was afraid to communicate this fear. Surely my mother, a religious, God-fearing woman would have taken my worries as reason to fear what kind of man I was. Maybe she’d even question my sexuality. The act of telling my family would have transformed the long-standing bullying into a conversation my family was not ready to have. So, just as my mother had told me, I kept it all inside: a secret from everyone including my sister. I was not only confused and hurt, but afraid of what would happen.
​
Things began to turn around, however, once I realized I was not alone.
​
During that year, one weekend in 1999, I watched a film called Cruel Intentions, which involved two vicious, wealthy siblings at an elite Manhattan prep school making a horrible wager to seduce a fellow student without falling in love. The brother, Sebastian, was a stylish, young guy that had everything and could have any girl he wanted, except for Annette, the object of the bet. Of course, he ultimately falls in love with her and changes his way—but it’s too late. And while some might write “Cruel Intentions” off as just another 90’s teen movie, Sebastian inspired me in two incredible ways: by finally identifying the root of his participation in bullying, and seeing someone change to embrace what they feel in their heart. His bullying came from insecurity just as strong as my own. And when he embraced connection with another person over how he was perceived by others, he showed his true capacity for love. He was an authentic human being with his emotions and also the way in which he expressed himself, which ultimately changed the way I thought about myself. I realized that if it came from a place of truth and expression, I could be whoever I wanted, wear what I wanted and do what makes me happy. And I saw the kids who bullied me as being just as insecure as I was and able to change.
​
With this new resolve, I immediately began the transformation process in stepping into my true authenticity.
​
I stopped dressing to fit in and started wearing clothing that I felt comfortable to me. Surprisingly, they happened to be dressier clothing—the clothing that had precipitated the bullying. The first day of junior year, I walked up to the high school in my new threads and a new attitude. I was confident waiting with all the other students for the bell to ring. I knew that I would get uncomfortable stares and teasing. I was a bit nervous, but I refused to falter. For the first time in my life, I truly embraced my uniqueness, not letting my worries get in the way of my liberation.​
​
It was the first time I felt alive and my true self.

This realization also shifted my focus to my future—which included experimenting with new clothing and personal style, creating art, being the only guy that actually enjoyed sitting in Home Economics. I even started a school dance crew that went on to win 1st place in a local talent show. I chose to change what was happening to me by embracing myself and putting my desires before anything else. I ignored the bullying and it eventually became silent noise.

As I learned more about individuals who are bullied and why students bully other students, I learned that those young boys were facing a terrible home life and were bullied by their parents and older siblings. Yearning for life’s necessities such as a safe, clean home. All things I was blessed with. I understand now and hope nothing but the best for them. This experience has truly helped mold me into the man I am today.

Special thanks to Shane Lukas, Stephen Jordan and Noah Ballard for the push and help with bringing this story into fruition.

How do you define bullying?
Bullying is repeated, unwanted aggressive behavior. I think that bullying is also in the eyes of the victim. If you feel that someone is being a bully to you, even if they claim to be ‘only kidding,’ then that could be considered bullying. It’s time we take the power away from the bully and put it into the hands of the victims.

What do you think is the scariest thing about being bullied?
I would say the scariest thing about being bullied is feeling absolutely helpless, that there is no where to turn for help—no way to get away from it.

What resources do you think a person should have available to respond to bullying?
I feel that having a support group of like-minded individuals that have experienced bullying and can relate to others’ experiences is very important. Individuals like this need a space without fear of ridicule or judgement.

How do you think the community can help if someone is being bullied?
Stand up for them! In most cases, if a bystander gets involved or speaks out, bullying will stop within seconds!

What does respect mean to you?
Respect to me is letting you be you and me be me and not judging someone by stereotypes or differences.

If you could do one thing to stop all bullying, what would you do?
I am doing it! I travel extensively whenever I am invited to speak to schools and communities, raising awareness to the very real and devastating effects of bullying.

If you could say one thing to anyone who is the victim of bullying, what would it be?
Stay strong. We love you and are fighting for you! This WILL pass. It WILL get better.

What role do you think the internet plays in bullying?
I think the internet has increased the ease that people can bully each other. Now, we don’t have to face someone to ruin their life. We can do it while hidden behind a monitor or cellphone screen without fear of immediate repercussions.

How are you an Upstander?
I work very hard to support victims of bullying and give them the resources and tools to find out that they are someone important and that they DO belong. We have chapters of Stand For the Silent started now in 39 states and 18 countries to help do this and give the victims a place to belong and find support.

Do you think someone who bullies other can change?
I have no doubt in my mind that bullies can change. I receive hundreds of messages from kids that have heard us speak saying, “I never knew that what I was doing could cause what happened to your son. I am sorry, I will quit and I want to help you make it stop.”

Kirk Smalley is an anti-bullying advocate that is passionate about stopping bullying and youth suicide. He and his wife have experienced the devastation that bullying can and does cause and have dedicated their lives to making sure that no other family lives our nightmare. Follow Kirk Smalley and Stand For the Silent on Facebook and Twitter.

“We shall sodomize your sons” read California Representative William Dannemeyer to the US Congress on July 27, 1987. “We will stab you in your cowardly hearts and defile your dead, puny bodies … We shall conquer the world …” Dannemeyer was reading from the hidden agenda he discovered in a gay periodical. The article by Michael Swift was entitled “Gay Revolutionary.” What Dannemeyer failed to communicate in his attempt to expose the vileness of homosexuality, however, was that Swift’s article was actually an absurdist satirical piece, not a serious manifesto. But Dannemeyer’s damage was now done. 


Such political vitriol has dangerous effects. Coining the oft used phrase “gay agenda” that was used to spread fallacies about the LGBT community for decades to come, Dannemeyer’s speech provided many Americans the justification they sought to fight back the (non-existent) “gay revolutionaries” attacking the country. There’s no wonder the LGBT community faces substantially higher rates of bullying, suicide, and in 2014 became the target of more hate crimes than any other minority group in America.


Creating narratives is no doubt an important tool in American politics. Some narratives are founded in reality while others are fictionalized. As an artist and writer, one of my most cherished pursuits is truth. It may seem ironic that a writer like me utilizes fiction to pursue truth, but the difference between my narrative and Dannemeyer’s is that my fiction is used to help share the beauty of reality.


I am developing a musical I’ve written called Question 1. At its core, the show explores the tragic effects of bullying, particularly the brutal cycle of the oppressed all too often becoming the oppressor. The audience follows the devolution of Freddy, a bullied child turned self-loathing adolescent turned closeted politician. When he finds himself amidst Maine’s 2009 same-sex marriage debate, his acrimoniousness towards the LGBT community capitalizes on the us-vs-them tactic we see all too often in today’s politics. Never did I imagine the absurdist satire I began writing in my musical two years ago would somehow manifest itself into today’s actual headlines. 


Perhaps there’s irony in Teddy Roosevelt’s coining of the phrase “bully pulpit” which was originally based on the obsolete definition of “bully,” meaning “good, first-rate, or wonderful.” Despite today’s discordantly disparate definition of the word “bully,” Roosevelt’s phrase ironically captures the drastically different, yet accurate style in which political positions of authority (or nominees to such positions) use their power to spread their message today. In fact, a new poll commissioned by the Tyler Clementi Foundation found that:


53% of the more than 1400 registered voters questioned said “yes” when asked if they “believe the polarizing language being used in this presidential election is spilling over to young people and creating more meanness.”


A political cynic might dwell on the dismal devolution of the bully pulpit’s etymological connotation, but the truth is that if a meaning has changed once, it can change again. It is up to upstanders, whether they be individuals or organizations like TCF, to say that the days of bullying must come to an end. It is up to us to challenge ourselves and humanity to rise above contempt in all its forms–to strive for the most beautiful thoughts and selves possible. If you want to write a musical about it, then go for it! If spontaneously bursting into song isn’t your thing, no worries! Go volunteer, offer support, respectfully meet hateful speech with beautiful wisdom, and if you’ve not already done so, buy your ticket to the TCF Upstander Legacy Celebration right now! 


And on November 8th, spread messages of respect, not contempt. With your help, we can share the narrative of truth, beauty, and kindness eliminating hate. With your help, perhaps we can return the meaning of America’s bully pulpit back to Roosevelt’s “wonderful pulpit.”

Chris Reza is a writer, Broadway musician (Fun Home), and a proud supporter of the Tyler Clement Foundation. For more information, visit his site, learn about Question 1, or follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

Photographs of Chris Reza by Kevin Chavez

When I was a teen, I would have been mortified to admit I was being bullied. My junior high and high school years were the worst time of my life. As a poor kid at the rich kids’ school in a small town, I was targeted for not having the same experiences as everyone else: for not wearing the right jeans, for living in an apartment instead of a huge house, for being a science nerd, for sucking at gym…really, just for being different. I was embarrassed by all the ways I didn’t fit in.

I am not embarrassed anymore. Because I have turned the negative experiences of my past into something positive.

After I left for college, I realized that the kids who were different in high school would become the grownups who change the world. You have to stand out—be outstanding—if you want to make a difference. I couldn’t believe I’d wasted so much time wishing I had fit in with a bunch of people I would never have to see again for the rest of my life. Out in the real world, I was surrounded by hundreds of accepting people who rocked their unique qualities. And I was finally one of them.

What made me keep holding on through my horrible teen years was the hope that one day I would be living my dream life. All of the bullying I endured has manifested in strength, insight, and my purpose in life: To reach out to teens and help them feel less alone. By writing teen novels like Keep Holding On, I can hopefully connect with teens who are feeling desperate. I know what it’s like to feel like you’ll never be happy again, that giving up would be a relief. On your worst days when you can’t even stand to be in your own skin, please know that you can create the life you want to be living. You can find your place to belong. You can be the person you want to be.

You are the change you’ve been waiting for.

Helping others is an excellent way to make this world a better place while increasing the positive energy in your life. You can take a stand against bullying by being an Upstander with the Tyler Clementi Foundation. As an Upstander, you pledge to support anyone who is the target of abusive words or actions.

Speak out, stay strong, and never give up.

Ready to take #Day1 to your school? Download this free, easy-to-use toolkit and find out why colleges and universities across the country are declaring today as the day they stand up to online and offline bullying, harassment and humiliation.